A year spent digging into the cave of treasures that lay hidden beneath misunderstanding, I found the primal boundaries I forgot to collect along the way.
A disinterested and dismissive dad bread dismissive and disinterested partners. An overbearing and ragefull mom cultivated a ragefull and overbearing attitude. Abusive and mocking siblings sent all of us to different corners of the world.
An object in motion stays in motion until acted upon by a force. A force so strong that it sends shockwaves into the nervous system and comes out sideways. Radical self awareness the only cure and pain it’s natural side effect.
No shame in saying goodbye to loyalty that ancestry set in motion and collective culture puts pressure on those tablets from the mountain. Up on high with expectations that burn faster than the bush.
The deep ocean is the starting place to find a wisdom beyond what he thinks or she says about my character. Swimming with the fish that take in oxygen where no light exists and micro organisms not seen by the naked eye flourish.
Primal boundaries; the kind that knows how to laugh at the nonsense coming from the trained responses handed down to us from the grandparent’s-grandparent and put into a fallout shelter just in case you fall out of line.
A boundary deeper than, walk away, or talk to the hand. One that speaks louder than defenses and engagement. One that can ride the wave of silence or shout out with the same conviction to discern and not convict.
Primal boundaries can’t be taught and must be felt. They sing the tune of respect and fairness, forgiveness and honesty but most importantly the terrifying journey of sacred vulnerability that can only be felt under the surface of this so called life.
During this great shift into the energetic era of the goddess one may find strong emotions rising up to the surface. For those of us born in a certain generation, raised by those of a certain generation and passed down by history, we have been taught to fear things like Anger, Sadness, Depression and Conflict.
The general rule of thumb has been to either suppress it or express it in dangerous and hurtful ways or some combination of the two. The origins of this knee jerk response is the fact that our brains have been conditioned to avoid, dismiss and run away from anything that makes us or another person uncomfortable; therefore leading to more knee jerk behaviors: like a hamster wheel of shut down or reactive humans.
I recently discovered the power of negative emotions after burning many bridges and creating strong boundaries against those who choose to label, judge or hate me for expressing a feeling. Granted my own suppression and judgement of my own “bad” moods did not allow me to handle it in the most productive way, which forced me to dive head first into a vast amount of research on modern psychology and neuroscience.
Even our most successful therapists operate under the notion that we must medicate away all “lower” feelings and only travel on a cloud of happiness. This is unrealistic and unhealthy and typically shows up in the relationships where a couple becomes ships in the night gathering around superficial conversation or social event or worst cold indifference, sarcastic bickering to abuse and violence.
The new age community also hasn’t quite figured it out with its well known “spiritual bypassing” which passes the talking stick around but gives space only to the perceived positive lesson way before the stuck emotion has a chance to dissolve. Empathy becomes more of a catch phrase rather than a skill. The truth is, empathy is hard and constant and is not natural to our conventional wisdom. Those who think they got it down most likely have only scratched the surface of what is a lifetime spiritual mission.
When negative emotions are allowed to be expressed they help the body become lighter and freer if done in safe caring relationships; and help to distinguish who is a true comrade and safe companion. In school students learn all about how to navigate common and polite issues or special needs, but never how to sit with a person through a hard time and see it out until the end.
The business of testing and jamming the head full of facts and figures leaves very little growth to the heart mind and spirit body. In fact spirit is rarely mentioned in terms of emotions but instead left to religious rules and traditions.
Now of course I speak generally because there are many pockets of communities and cultures that explore this idea; however I always wonder why something so fundamental to life is not mainstream operation. It is indeed a luxury to go deep into the inner workings of the soul and access it often requires a large amount of money or time.
Imagine if every teacher, parent, boss and co-worker applied spiritual empathy and spiritual empathy skills daily, and contemplate how much harmony we would create for the future. Unfortunately, turn on the news and see hatred, violence and conflict and the majority of our historic education based on wars, poverty, oppression and hardship. This truth reveals that negative emotion is in the air no matter how much we pretend things are ok or that it is other people’s or the government’s problem.
Going within (a hell I wish on no person) is not for the faint of heart but is the only way to create real change in the world and in our relationships. Be warned that you will loose many if not all of your friends, family and maybe even your livelihood. This mission is one that breaks through social norms and complacent compliance. Whether you realize it or not we are all slaves, if not slave than indentured servants.
High school graduation may have been years ago but all the downloads, brainwashing and conditioning has not left our subconscious minds and are in fact running our lives on automatic. You only need to look at company culture and common core standards to find proof of this and if you think you are not a part of it, then you have not begun your “going within” work so keep digging!
Behavior modification, goal setting and performance enhancement has been the usual way our society has tried to tackle this issue; all the while the key has been in our very own feelings. Each and every feeling that each and everyone of us has counts towards the order of the world.
The sooner an individual digs up these emotions and surrounds themselves with safe loving people who can join in the work to bring resolution and peace to the relationship, the sooner we will usher in this matriarchal nourishment that we all desperately need.
My greatest tip I can provide you is that if a person, employer or mentor in your life can not, or will not hear your emotions (not necessarily words) and provide a fair and forgiving platform for you (as well as themselves) do not bother trying to change them, just walk away and cultivate new partnerships. That does not mean to throw someone you love out the door if they aren’t a perfect mirror to your gripes, it just means search your heart (as yoda advises) to know the reality of their ability to go into the realm of the spirit and cultivate an accurate and meaningful spiritual life that doesn’t just involve rules, catch phrases and traditions.
Remember the power of negative emotions and treat them like a precious baby crying out for love and compassion. Be well.
A bubble space around beliefs that don’t fit no more and new horizons seeming impossible. The man on the cliff looks into uncertainty with the desire to jump but can’t quite feel the parachute.
Fading and phasing imprints of obligations and echoes of mumble jumble no longer healthy and freedom grasping at the sleeve. The girl takes to her notebook to write imagination that nobody seems to get.
Dysfunctional society thinking bread crumbs and busy that, busy this; works for the long haul and media makes it so. The child in the living room cries to the tune of an environment run amok.
Walking on prayers when Miss Wheatley got her title with pennies to her name, in hopes of a shift long standing.
An artist in secret, moonlighting to a crowd left in a shadow wishing courage could grab their heart and money can go in the pocket.
Treading on Grace that something good will emerge after the next and before the collapse, when nations suck the life out of all good meaning people.
The boy takes to his notebook jotting down all sorts of mannerisms and colloquialism which make for good material; silently wishing to make a difference
Education to robotic composure set at different degrees to attempt a pose of autonomy. The teacher at wits end peaking at that cliff.
A surrender to something must give and all love prevails as jesus reveals its message in a cryptic style that hurts the brain. Safety net not quite attached
Falling seems better than morphing and stomach bricks allow something to cling to as the nothing swallows all rational thinking to the breeze breaking all doubt
Leaving a shrapnel of golden specks and silver prayers to walk upon.
Maya Rose 