Fair weather wake up

The Saga

is selfish

histrionic

A lying manipulative person holding onto dear life.

An image of youth princess sociallyte that never quite made it happen.

Relying heavily on a rich husband and hippy style boyfriend popping onto the stage once a moon to keep the fire lit after another tormented argument trapped in jealous delusion.

Beyond a fantasy of desperate need for others to carry them along with a fanfare parade of accolades that once mesmerized codependents like me to cling to coat tails now faded as dust and chaos remain.

I witness the truth in the breath grabbing straws of recognition with each new business venture laid on a pyramid of political opinions in conspiracies making lively conversation.

Unraveling among yarns of nostalgia with the spotlight upon only them.

HEATED under the surface

All cost and sorrow over what might have been had she not poured it all into motherhood.

Extreme generosity a genuine consolation prize distracting a shady efficiency of being thrown under the bus I gladly take the blame and my apologies for holding her accountable to things said and promises made.

How dare I

I can see now moving back from the flame the busyness as a smoke screen to avoid quality and depth that her skills to throw money at any hint of disappointment towards unfair play.

The pedestal in the distance seems more like a prison cell surrounded by a tornado with the false calm at the center. 

The weather is better in the valley and chasing storms no longer give me thrills.

Compete

I decided to not compete

I can’t compete

no one can compare to the awards acclaim and attributes of

AI

PR

and MFa

There is always someone better and the credits will scroll until the last fan leaves the theatre

I’ve won no awards

no claim to fame

not fancy in attire nor invited to the red carpet

I can’t compete

Running from this thing

to that one

towards a cracked window grabbing the sunshine before nightfall

Sipping on wine with delicate laughter at the joke told again and again over whipped cream and vanilla ice

I won’t keep up on tic tok

link-in

insta app

or the fast lane of get on board before the swells bring sharks to the shoreline

Sub culture rebel with no following of snap snap

Elegantly cacooned in an alternate reality where words have the power

and all worth lies in its work

I can’t compete

I tell myself to soothe this frustration at learning a new game that never gets the ball on the turf

Living in a snow globe of beauty observed and scandal revealed

piercing the lie bubble that compares this one to the same apple of a different shape

embracing the purple that I am

Caring for the Woman who Care

I’m not a scientist or good at Math

In the basics

With no sense of direction

the computer de-fragments How?

and “what’s that button?… supposed to do”

Bring in Man

super hero in the eyes of a capitalism which values Steal and Wood

punishing Trees and Water on a caste system dusted.

Patted on the head of good effort to the waitress scraping together a federal mandate labeled “unskilled” in third world wages.

Can’t complain, un-lady-like meant to have a husband driving me to Lowes for a hammer paid by daddy’s credit.

Quick stop before wiping the poo off little one stuck in the wheelchair patient for a diaper change.

Ring the bell trot service down the road helping Grampy lost in the streets he can’t remember…

But No ..

I’m not a scientist

and …

I lied

I can’t do math but fear made me say it before the Dow drops

all feminine value buried with tears

wiped in snot on the shoulder

Of Mommy at your bedside.