mad emotions feel bad

to feel a feeling to experience a flow other than the please please calm

mad emotions feel angry

to acknowledge a space to allow to experience a flow other than relaxx

mad emotions feel struggle

to a child locked up in being polite

mad emotion feels wrong

to an evolution meant to keep it all inside

mad emotion feels upset

to talk me out of a feeling of experience to put a lid on it before fired

mad emotion feels valid

to a teenager holding space for fairness on a cloudy day

mad emotions feels right

when i know what makes me angry in the direction of what makes me happy.

I officially disown my parents. i am not 16 and though if i knew then what i knew now i would have made it official then. Oh the wonder of a do over. Yes it may have been harder to find food and shelter but six of one. I emancipate my parents. From a place now of all grown up and take the power back for my 12 year little girl who was sexually violated and then sent out into the world to be glitter and gab. I emancipate my parents. I disown them officially. Though they already did it to me but i am taking my power back for my 7 year old little girl who was sexually violated and then sent out to tap dance ribbons all around the town. Showing off my perfectly pristine skin on my face and scabs on my legs. I emancipate my parents. no longer mom or day or mama or dadda or poppa or mammy or mother or father. I emancipate my parents for my college self who open up her world and loved with no limits but had no tether outside the grades, honor roll and omega society kissing whore but no boot knocking on my dorm board. I emancipate my parents for the young 20 year old pregnant and alone in a foreign country facing the decision of being a parent myself and trusting that with no family support it probably is not a good idea. I emancipate my parents on behalf of the baby that was in my belly that never had a chance and the sperm egg that could have been in future if not for terror of going back to plan B or the puke pill each morn like alarm clocks. I disown my parents because they were the oven, the activities director and the warden passing out punishment and rewards for the hazing of “life is not for suckers” and “I had it worse than you so how dare you cry when I pull your hair”. My adult Leah. Leah joy we’re so glad your not a boy. pot belly. scabby legs. eats like a truck driver. thinks she is so perfect. The orphan of my childhood. The abandonment of my adolescence and the exile of my grown up. In honor of myslef. Leah. leah joy we’re so glad your not a boy and all other parts of me for better or worse I Disown my parents. I have not parents. I have a sperm and egg donor named John and Ruthann. I had a gestation oven called Jppearson and Cookie Bachren. I have a heritage of german african and cherokee inherited from my incubators JohnDick and Ruthyoni…. i emancipate my parents. i should have done it long ago but as my parents always said “shoulda coulda woulda……….get over it…”

So after the work is done and the food is digested and the bathroom is cleaned and the money is made and the relatives are appeased what is the point?

After you meditate and affirm and vent and radically accept resistance and sing together songs what is the point?

After the good night kiss and the avoid the sex on the first date curse and the talk till the break of dawn is done what is the point?

When the music ends and the crickets come out and the heat is on and not a creature stirs what is the point?

So after the votes are counted and the push to fight is over and no stone left un turned what is the point?

After you die and do your life review and check off the mistakes, the lessons and the love gained and lost what is the point??

The shut down shut up butt out you do not matter unless my matter says you matter to my money.

The ghost talk to the hand cut off talkies peripheral noise to any emotional other than don’t upset me I’m dancing and don’t have time to talk

The dignity of respect whirling in my own above you now cuz I am twirling diva and don’t need to speak up for myself against a monument I hold no regard.

The whirling dervish will dance around you but keep it pretty or you must leave the dance floor. No rags tags talk to me here cuz I am in charge of this space dance. Move along broken judges to my noble diva silence.

I am the whirling devdivaish don’t bother with me cuz I am dancing to my own shadow now.

look into the eyes of the child. age 6. This morning i woke up thinking about Sandy hook and Adam Lanza. My thoughts started with the realization that it is that month and it is almost that day. The day i was celebrating with my student and little people with a traditional native American ritual for educational and ceremonial purposes.

I woke up and glanced sullenly at the photos of students who have come and gone within my care during these years i lost count. Thinking that these children. These little sand promises are now are teenagers and many have graduated into grown up hate or love if they are lucky enough to fight for their lives with all ounce of breath.

The innocent faces behind a giant shock to the tiny system and the majority freeze play in 66 lashes of ravioli. The cheese rotting and sticking to the private parts when no one is around to inspect the crevice’s or behind the ears.

Those all grown up can work it out with all the pod tubes and potty tablets there is no reason to hold the lead account. anthem to the flag and prepared to skydive tandems for whimps, and we all trust that bullies are not wiiiimppppsss just people with rights to emulate the house models.

The gunshot sound is faint with the too many barrel of tricks are for kids and the bell rang and the cafeteria is closed now get the ‘cover your ears before you cause me to say something inappropriate’ and scar you for life. your fault not mine kid………….mr lanza i presume if i am not mistaken. have a seat and take a number. The manager is on a break.