You are my family. You are my dad, my mom, my sister, my brother. You are my roommate, my landlord, my safety net but you are not my friend.

You are not my friend because my friend will stand up for my character and integrity in the face of scrutiny.

You are not my friend because my friend would not avoid conflict but embrace it above the belt: not below. My friend is knowing that we each are human and bleed when cut.

You are not my friend because I can not trust your word and your words are slippery to suit your righteousness.

I have no friends but if I did, my friend would have my back. My friend be humble enough to apologize for an insult. Love me enough to hold back the punches.

I have no friends because the common denominator is me and the false friends left scars that need to be healed.

I drew them in because they felt like home: they felt safe. I knew no different and thought I deserved it; Then I turned around and started to meet people who believe in me.

I started to meet people who are kind and honest and true.

I started to meet people who looked at my good more often than my flaws.

I still keep my distance from them because I can’t yet trust that it is real. How can it be real when those who say they love me the most: sling arrows.

Lie,

cheat,

degrade

humiliate.

You are not my friend. You must earn that right: but you have my love and forgiveness because that’s what families do.

You have my love and forgiveness because you and I are still comrade in DNA, in experience and in flesh.

You have my love and forgiveness because the space I once held for you is now occupied by the Friend in Me:)

Lost behind a wall of don’t speak Invisible posture posed in look at me. Crowded out numbered by masculine force upon my nature Hovering in a corner of imaginary confidants.

Forever in the dusty closet of common house rules chained to servitude to the higher good slithering mass. Bottoming out to not give a fuc. Re-emerging transformed in a vortex of life’s aglow.

A speck of spotlight on the kitchen table hallowing out a type of warmth that fades by the fire

Stop pulse. Breathe. Revive

Getting it together to take on the fight next door. Pumping my dukes to rewind the fate plaster on my wall.

Says you. No more. Wise up to the shaz you’ve digested Gergitate the SHUSH you’ve inflicted

Gone. Beyond no more till the hummingbird bites the nectar from it’s scab and scream drowns it all out to forget. Remembered the tides that bind this hallelujah

Can you send me an Angel to guide me home with the keys stroke by the piano.

The American Dream don’t work out for me

The American Dream don’t work out for me.

The mentality of my poverty goes deep deep down throughout my Ancenstry.

These bloods and veins seep towards a constant shame

turned against all reality.

That the dream

No the dream don’t work out for me

Shout Y’all

The American Dream don’t work out for we

Our Dignity faded before our eyes can see

The American Dream

The American Dream

Marginal venom towards the minority

Phantom trick

Making trouble with Truth against the artist.

Try and makes us silent

Here we stand

Here we Be

If you feel The American Dream

Left out the part for me

With wealth of land Not for every

Body

So QueenMaya’s watching

Rising up

join me

Set a course and let My People Free.

Continue reading →

Hello expression monkeys

This writing challenge I have done before but I am adding a little twist:

Theme: recreate a poem from a famous author.

Guidelines: use any part of the piece (style, rhythm, subject) to draw your inspiration.

Each week pick a new poem (for a challenge pick a new author)

Rules: no rules, don’t think and have fun.

Here is mine and please post yours in the comments or just follow along at home!!

How to meditate by Jack Kerouac

Lights out

Fall, hands a clasped, into instantaneous ecstasy like a shot of heroin or morphine, the gland inside of my brain discharging the good glad fluid (holy fluid) as I hap-down and hold all my body parts down to a deadstop trance-healing all my sicknesses-erasing all-

Not even the shred of a I-hope-you or a loony balloon left in it, but the mind blank, serene, thoughtless.  When a thought comes-a-springing from afar with its held-forth figure of image, you spoof it out, you spuffit out, you fake it, and it fades, and thought never comes-and with joy you realize for the first time thinking’s just like not thinking- so I don’t have to think anymore

 

My answer

Propaganda: Meditation: fidgeting, obsessive thoughts covered in to-do lists cycling thought 5, 6, 1000 times a minute in between lapses of consciousness awoken by the sound of the snore and thud of the head.  Bruised butt.  Badgering myself into succumbing to the promised surrender and released within the fantasy of nirvana till the buzzer finally rings and a smile appears on my face knowing, that this shit is done and I can embrace the lesser suffering called life and it is good.

 

A heart so tattered
Withered worn
Wasted away in a void wanting to be filled by an illusion.
Wretched days pondering what could have been and wipe the gum off my shoes

Crazy clue sliding down the brain waves causing a suffering at mine own hands. Sleepless nights full of reoccurring essence of all that plagues and desires me.

Falling off the cliff into fully feeling and wearing it on my face. Gaining sympathy from a source gazing observant as I reach towards a piece of comfort locked dead in this moment.